Child Actors From Hell

So, being new parents ourselves, Mrs. Chop and I had a discussion last night centered on our comfort level with letting one of our children play the lead in an Omen film (that is assuming they could walk, talk, had acting skills and we were pro-child labor).

Our conclusion, "Hell no."

I mean, who in their right mind would let their child be branded for life as the Spawn of Satan? Not that some kids aren’t capable of achieving that reputation all on their own (not mentioning any names here), do they really need their parents’ sign-off and a $40 million dollar marketing campaign to help achieve such status at an accelerated rate?

Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick . What kind of career could this kid possibly have after this film? Sure, he’ll be top of the consideration list come time for the remake of “Helter Skelter,” and I suppose a George W. Bush biopic is a no-brainer somewhere down the road. But is there such a thing as an A-list villain actor, and if so, do the really make any serious coin (not allowing for Jack Nicholson’s turn as The Joker in the mid-80s).

And another thing, who’s gonna’ play with this kid, or (God forbid) invite him to a sleepover? “Honey, stop kicking Seamus, or he’ll devour your soul.” I suppose at the very least he’ll be a tremendous help keeping those damned monsters hidden in the closet.

I have to admit that “Damien” was one of the many names on my long list of potential boy names (along with Ezekiel/, Dante and Attila), but alas the wife had other plans for our children… like having a normal childhood. At least as normal a childhood as you can have with a father who calls himself “Porqchop.”

Based on current reviews on RottenTomatoes.com, it’s sounding like this film’s quickly falling into the “Why the Hell’d they do that?” category, so this discussion is likely a moot point. But please, someone remind me to post a follow-up to this entry in ten years with an update on the career of Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick.

One final piece of proof, look what “ Little Nicky ” did for Adam Sandler’s career. And that was an established adult actor playing the son of Beelzebub.