Dirty Secrets

Late night cable TV has been my best friend these past few weeks, and as such, I thought I would pay tribute to the “guilty pleasure” movie.

You know what I’m talking about. They’re the movies you would never put on a “Top 10 Movies Ever Made” list, but if you’re flipping channels and you see one on… you just have to watch it.

It doesn’t matter if the broadcast is 5 or 50 minutes into the movie, you park the remote as soon as you hit it. Often times, you probably have the DVD (or more likely videocassette) in the cabinet under the TV, but you’d rather watch the broadcast version (this is likely also so you can quickly change the channel if someone walks into the room!).

So, without further adieu, and in no particular order, here’s my quick list of guilty pleasure movies (feel free to share yours via the “Comments” link below):

Vision Quest – Mathew Modine and Linda Fiorentino sizzle in this coming of age wrestling flick. Favorite scene: Carla busting Louden sniffing her panties in the dirty laundry bin. The first of many 80s flicks to make this list.

Red Dawn – “Wolverines!” What a cast. Patrick Sleazy and Jennifer Grey team up years before Dirty Dancing. Charley Sheen, C. Thomas Howell and Lea Thomsen kick their careers off as high school seniors turned Ruskie-ass-kickers as a small Montana town is invaded by foreign military. This one’s ripe for a remake.

Valley Girl – Nicolas Cage and Deborah Foreman in a modern day Valley spin on Romeo and Juliet. The soundtrack still holds up today. Nic’s never been better… seriously.

Predator – Future governors Ventura and Schwarzenegger tangle with an invisible and seemingly invincible alien presence in the jungle – with Carl Weathers riding shotgun. Mud… is the ultimate weapon. Brilliant.

Just One Of The Guys – Joyce Hyser sets the standard for hot girls playing boys (later to be undone only by Hirp) in this little know 80s gem.

The Cutting Edge – Hockey meets professional figure skating as Moira Kelly and D.B. Sweeny clash and then mash in yet another 80s classic. If only Moira hadn’t saved her first nude scene for Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me.

Waterworld – A total Road Warrior rip-off, but still kind of fun. At least there was no period accent for Costner to butcher this time out.

Lost Boys – Sutherland. Haim. Feldman. Vampires. ‘Nuff said.

Real Genius – Val Kilmer’s killer comedic chops are shown for the first and last time. L’azlo Hollyfeld comes out of the closet and William Atherton plays a smarmy little prick (what a surprise).

Night of the Comet – Anyone seen this besides me? If not, watch it. The world ends and teenagers are the only ones left. I don’t know that this is even available on DVD.

Bring It On – You can say you wouldn’t watch it, but once you start, you truly can’t stop. Kirsten and Buffy’s Duschu in spankies. Mmm… mmm… good.

From Dusk Till Dawn – Two movies in one. Equally brilliant and cheesy. Tarantino should definitely stay behind the camera.

Wild Things – This movie’s all about the 43 second scene with Neve Campbell and Denise Richards in the motel room… oh wait, there’s also a killer car wash scene with Denise in Daisy Dukes. Pretty much any scene with Denise Richards will get ‘er done.

Cocktail – Top Gun in a bottle. Elisabeth Shue topless under a Hawaiian waterfall.

The Hot Chick – An early Rachael McAdams (Wedding Crashers) appearance and Rob Schneider’s funniest flick. May have paid to see it twice in the theater.

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo – “Balls balls balls!”

Starship Troopers – Denise Richards, Doogie Houser and some gnarly space bugs. Gets me every time.

Showgirls – Liz Berkley and Gina Gershon in some mighty choppy girl-on-girl action. What was filmed in Vegas should have stayed in Vegas.